Grace for the in-between!

Hey y’all!!
I’m officially almost three weeks into Malaysia, which honestly feels crazy to say.
This is my first year not being home for the holidays, and there’s no denying how deeply I miss my family. Being away during such a meaningful season has stretched my heart in ways I didn’t expect. And today especially feels heavy. I’m writing this on my mom’s birthday.

Not being able to hug my best friend and favorite person hurts so so much because I wanna be there. Being 9,669 miles away makes the distance feel very real. If you know my mom, you know she reflects the love of Jesus so beautifully selfless, hardworking, compassionate, endlessly supportive. She has been such a gift from God and my greatest example of what it looks like to love others well.

Mom, if you’re reading this: thank you for loving me unconditionally, praying over me, and supporting every step of obedience the Lord has called me into. I truly would not be here without you. I’m forever grateful God chose you to be my mom 🤍

The holidays have always been so special to me from hot cocoa (shoutout to my little sister Graham who truly makes the best hot cocoa ever), picking out a Christmas tree and laughing while trying to get it through the door, stockings on Christmas morning. Those memories are treasures I’ll always hold close. I miss my family but I’ve been reminded that the Lord is my home and the only home I will ever truly need.

And yet even in the missing the Lord is kind.

When we first arrived in Malaysia, I struggled more than I expected. I missed Swaziland deeply, and instead of giving myself grace, I became angry at myself. I felt so called to Swazi, and all I wanted was to be fully present here and fall in love with Malaysia the same way. The Lord and some really faithful people in my life gently reminded me that missing a place means I loved well. That there can be joy in mourning. And that God is far bigger than my disappointment toward myself.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
—Psalm 34:18

Malaysia is unlike anywhere I’ve been. There are 13 states, and we’re staying in Kedah. The three main religions here are Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism where their belief systems are rooted in striving, working for love, acceptance, and heaven. My heart breaks seeing people place their hope in things that change, in statues that cannot save. There’s such a fear of disappointment, such pressure to perform when the Lord offers freedom, rest, and unconditional love.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
—Matthew 11:28

We’re staying at Bethel Assembly Church, and it’s been such a gift. There’s constant worship, tambourine dancing, keys, base, guitar, drums and caroling at all hours. Me and my team Gili got invited to go eat breakfast with the pastors and we went caroling at an international school last Friday. We’re working with refugee students ages 5–16 who otherwise wouldn’t have access to education. Many are from Burma. I can’t imagine being a refugee. When I was 8 years old, my life looked completely different I had stability, education, safety, loving parents. It doesn’t feel fair. And sitting with that grief has been heavy.

This season of ministry has looked very different than I expected. Plans change constantly some days we tutor students, other days we serve adults with special needs at a bakery. Our first day there, we spent most of the time cleaning bathrooms, and honestly, it was hard. There have been moments where I’ve felt useless and unsure of how I fit. I desperately want to serve well, yet I don’t always understand what the Lord is doing or how He’s using me in this season.
But this isn’t to say there hasn’t been joy.

In the midst of the uncertainty, there has also been so much laughter and life. From Monkey Island (go watch the video on my spam 😂), to futsal nights, to Texas Chicken runs at 3 a.m. on Saturday nights we’re truly having a blast. Futsal has been such a blessing, allowing me to combine my love for soccer with serving the Lord. We play with members of the church and with each other, and it’s been so sweet to see how God is using even that to build connection and community.
The Lord is moving and active here, even in the moments that feel small or unclear. I may not see the full picture yet, but I trust that He is working and I truly can’t wait to see all that He has in store.


And right now? Tears have become part of my time with the Lord. I’ve had a lot of quiet moments, a lot of honest conversations, a lot of sitting in the unknown.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
—Proverbs 3:5–6

I’m learning that it’s okay to mourn Swaziland and be expectant here. It’s okay not to love Malaysia the same way. God is still present. He’s still faithful. He’s still working—even when I don’t see it.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
—Ecclesiastes 3:11

This Christmas will look so so different. But it’s filled with purpose. I’m choosing to trust God completely to love the people in front of me, to show the love of Jesus here in Malaysia, and to believe that obedience matters even when it feels unseen.
Thankful for the family God has surrounded me with here, for the honor of serving Him, and for the reminder that He wastes nothing not even confusion or tears 🤍
If you’re in a season of transition, grief, or
uncertainty: you’re not behind. You’re not failing. God is near. And He’s faithful even here.
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
—Matthew 28:20

And if you’re reading this and find yourself in a season that feels unfamiliar, heavy, or lonely I hope you know this: God is not asking you to have it all figured out. He’s not disappointed in your questions, your tears, or your weariness. If anything, He’s drawing nearer to you in them. Missing what once was doesn’t mean you’re failing where you are it means you loved deeply, and that matters.
If your faith feels small right now, that’s okay. If trusting God feels harder than usual, you’re not alone. He is steady even when our emotions aren’t. He sees the quiet obedience no one else notices. He honors the “yes” that feels costly and the faithfulness that feels unseen. Nothing you’re walking through is wasted not the confusion, not the grief, not the waiting.

So wherever you are whether you’re stepping into something new, grieving something old, or standing somewhere in between, take heart. God goes before you. He walks beside you. And He will carry you through. You are not behind. You are not forgotten. You are deeply loved, right where you are.

As this season continues to unfold, I’m learning that obedience doesn’t always feel peaceful but it is always purposeful. Even when my heart aches for what I’ve left behind and for the people I miss so deeply, God continues to meet me right where I am. He is present in the in-between, in the tears, and in the quiet moments that feel unseen.
I don’t have all the answers, and some days still feel heavy, but I’m learning to trust the One who does. And for now, that is enough. If you find yourself in a season that feels confusing, tender, or uncertain, know that you’re not behind and you’re not alone. God is near, He is gentle with our hearts, and He is faithful always.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
—Deuteronomy 31:8

Prayer requests
– unity and connectedness
– People being homesick
– Prayers for trusting the Lord even when we don’t have the answers.

Please keep me and my squad in your prayers. For physical health, understanding the Lord and that he is WAYYY bigger than we can even fathom. I am 83% funded and Almost there if you feel called to donate anything helps. Love you all and thank you for supporting me on this journey.